You Don't Love Me

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Never Hurt me. 

Let's face it, being a parent is tough. We find ourselves trapped in our own little episodes of Ground Hog Day. Every day is a struggle to be a good wife, a good mother, a role model, a business woman, and a friend. It's not always easy to balance.

There are times when demanding schedules, commitments, personal duties, the fighting, mounds of laundry, honey-do lists, empty milk cartons, emails, the whining, doctor appointments... it all just piles up and can be pretty overwhelming. But we focus, grin and bear it, because we love our family. We love the little people we created with our entire self, our whole soul, our everything. We balance this crazy life not because it is glamorous but because we love. The reward for all our hard work and balancing shines in those little faces, in the family we have built, the home that surrounds us. Because of your love you know you are doing a good job as a parent.

Easier said.

Reality is, when your four year old looks up at you, right into your eyes with all the confidence of an army and a glare sharper than a knife, and says, "You. Don't. Love. Me." your soul is pierced. A dagger to your heart. And you know the truth, that words do hurt.

After the sting from the slap of her words wears off, you have to muster your courage to be unemotional and steadfast. You have to take the high road and tell her that you are sorry she thinks you don't love her while in fact that is the furthest from the truth. You have to hold your ground and still send her to her room and brave a second, tear filled, "You. Don't. Love. Me" as she slams the door and begins crying.

It's everything to keep from disputing her words, falling into the trap she just laid out. Smoke and mirrors to bait me from scolding her for fighting (again) with her brother.

You. Don't. Love. Me.

Instead I find myself stumbling around the kitchen in a daze. Where on earth did she get that? Does she not see that I love her - everyday? I tell her every day I love her, she makes me happy. I kiss her. I hug her. I read to her every night. We laugh and play and sing and smile. I don't understand how she could think or ever say that I don't love her. I love her - everyday. When and how did she get so bold? So smart? So manipulative? At four - I expected to cross this bridge at fifteen. I am dead meat in 10 years...

And although I know that she is just testing the limits. Testing emotions and the power of words. Flexing her muscles as she "finds" her place in this big world. What I really want to do is give her a list of ALL the reasons Mommy. Loves. You. All of the reasons why discipline is really the best form of love. It's not a personal attack, it's just personal. A personal way to love and mold her into a beautiful woman who knows right from wrong and learns to love and be good to others. 

Mommy intervenes when you and Mr Blue Eyes fight because not only am I teaching you about conflict resolution and that it's not okay to hit, but I am also trying to help the two of you build a lasting relationship as brother and sister. Building a love between you that will last after I am gone.

Mommy doesn't always let you have your way because in the this generation, a generation of entitlement, I am trying to instil character and teach you that we work hard for what we have and what we have is a privilege.We love what we have. We respect what we have. And we never take it for granted.

Mommy tells you NO, because if I don't, who will?

Mommy loves you so much that she allows words to hurt her to prove to you she will always love you, no matter what. And it's because I love you deeply, with all my heart, everyday, that I will spend every last breath I take making sure that you know Mommy. Loves. You.