Father's Day Fumble

This year for Father's Day I decided to get Handy Man a brand new grill. Or old grill was on it's last leg out. The starter didn't work anymore. The left burner was so rusted out it was collapsing in on itself. And half the time the thing wouldn't heat up above 200 degrees. I can't count the number of times I had to bring our dinner inside to either broil in the oven or cook on the stove.

A brand new fancy grill for our one and only Handy Man! The Dad-E-O that puts the H in our Home.

It wasn't a total surprise. I told Handy Man to pick out the new grill he wanted and the kids and I picked it up from the store earlier in the week so we could enjoy it on Father's Day weekend.

The darn thing barely fit in my car. Not to mention it weighed about a 1,000 pounds! It was a mammoth of a box. Later that night, Handy Man and I could barely get it out of the car together. He wanted to "carry" it to the back yard for assembly. As we tried to lift it out of the car I kind of dropped my end right away. Handy Man got a little torqued with me that I couldn't help him carry it. The box was large, cumbersome and there was nothing to hang onto. He ended up pushing it into the garage by himself muttering under his breath something about marrying a wimp...

To make up for my strength shortcomings, I decided I would prove to Handy Man my worth and assemble the entire BBQ By. My. Self.

I envisioned him opening the garage door and his shiny new grill gleaming in his headlights. He would smile and come inside and kiss me passionately while embracing me. He would thank me and tell me the grill looked amazing all assembled.

At 3:45, I armed myself with a screw driver and scissors and started opening the box. I turned on some music and prepared myself to concur this beast of a grill.

I started opening the big box and taking out all the pieces. There were a LOT of pieces.

Trays of this.

Little boxes of that. 

 Stuff tucked here and there. Hidden inside of the grill drum.

I soon had pieces and parts and styrofoam packing materials scattered all over the garage.

I eventually located the assembly manual and box of screws and started building! 

I got the main frame assembled and started hunting for my next pieces. I started feeling a little overwhelmed. There were just so. many. pieces.

By a little after 5:00... I was only at building image number 4 of 23. It started to become very obvious that I bit off way more than I could chew. I knew that Handy Man would be home in a little over an hour and unless this grill assembly really got cook'in there was NO WAY I would have this puppy assembled in time for a big reveal.

Slow and steady I kept at it until I had to deal with these damn H screws. 

Up until this point I had been happily using a trusty screw driver to assemble. For the most part, my manual screw driver was working just fine. 

Until the H screws.

I tried and tried and could not get the darn H screw to drive all the way into the hole. Fearful of stripping out the screw, tired, overwhelmed and completely O-V-E-R this BBQ, I almost started crying.

No... let me be honest. I almost took a shovel to the grill. 

It was now just after 6:00 pm and I was stuck on image 7 out of 23 because of a hideous H screw.

Just before the complete breakdown ensued, I said, "Duhhh!"
I went for reinforcements.

This is why I married a Handy Man. 

Armed with a power tool, and a new found, false sense, of empowerment, I showed those H screws who was boss. Moving right along, I finally found myself at image 11 of 23 in no time.

And then I wanted to crumple and cry again. For image 11 required TWO PEOPLE!! I was only one miserable wife trying to assemble this dumb grill in our garage.   

This is exactly how vegetarianism was created. Some person tried to assemble a BBQ grill by their self and after all of the pain and agony they threw their hands in the air and swore off all hamburgers, steaks and grilled chicken.

As I was walking over to the shovel... Handy Man pulled into the driveway. Eyes wide as he surveyed the damages.

With a horrifically fake and pathetic smile on my face, I said, "Surprise!Happy Father's Day Honey! I am building your grill for you."

In expected Handy Man fashion, he too gave me a false smile and said, "I see that. And you are making a quite the mess in doing so."

See, when Handy Man builds or assembles things he does so in perfect harmony with his surroundings and without the need of a manual. It's like he just knows what parts go where and what screws are needed where. When he works inside he even shop vacs his area in between steps of his project to minimize dust and trash. Constantly maintaining a clean and harmonious work environment.

I have been told that I prefer a tornado work environment. To each their own.   

Either way I had to tell Handy Man all about the struggles I was having. I showed him image 11 and told him I needed his help to lift the grill drum in place because it said we needed two people. 

He smiled widely, a little twinkle glistened in his eye and he told me he thought it was "cute" that I had been building the grill for over two hours and I wasn't finished yet. He walked over to the grill drum, picked it up by himself, and placed it on the grill stand.

Of course....

He picked up the screw driver and the manual and asked me what was for dinner.

So I left him. 

I left him in the garage to finish building his Father's Day gift. 

For the record: I WILL NEVER BUY ANOTHER BBQ AGAIN THAT I HAVE TO ASSEMBLE MYSELF.

Happy Father's Day Handy Man!