Mr Blue Eyes: a Hockey Player (Again)!!!
My Brown Eyed Girl: maybe Rey from Star Wars???
When we got home Mr Blue Eyes was firm in his decision for a repeat costume. Granted, he assured me it was a "different" costume as he wasn't going to wear his Penguins jersey again this year (said with a subtle but not so subtle eye roll) he would be wearing his Arapahoe Hockey jersey. Obviously different!
My Brown Eyed Girl and I sat on the couch and scrolled through Amazon's selection of Rey costumes. She decided she wasn't really "feeling" the Rey this year. We started looking at alternative ideas and she perked up at the belly dancer and gypsy costumes. Without second guessing herself she said, "Oh! I want to be that for Halloween!"
We narrowed our search and she pined over the different styles and colors of gypsy costumes. Settling on a red fringed number, we hit order.
My Brown Eyed Girl waited anxiously for that Amazon box to be delivered two days later. The night it finally arrived, her excitement was bubbling over. As I opened the box and she stole that first glance of her vibrant red costume, she wiggled with glee and nearly squealed with excitement. The smile on her face out shined its self and I couldn't help but grab her in my arms, give her a huge hug and kiss her on top of her head. I told her I loved her and please don't ever stop being my little girl.
I glanced up at Handy Man from across the room as he watched the magic that spilled out of that opened box. He too smiled but did so while shaking his head because he knows how much this little girl has always loved to dress up, spin and twirl in dresses and embrace everything magical that comes with being that adorable little girl playing dress up.
I helped her try on the costume and she twirled around the room, testing the golden coin tassels that hung from her costume. My heart was literally bulging from the seams with love for my Brown Eyed Girl. You see, I love that even at 10 years old, my daughter still picks the most frilly, girly, dressy Halloween costumes. Silently, I prayed for her to never lose that little girl deep down inside of her.
Halloween fell on a Thursday this year.
The kids' school always holds a Monster Mash party in the school's gymnasium the weekend of Halloween. It's a must that we attend. A bit of a costume spoiler, but the kids thoroughly enjoy running around with their friends and playing carnival games for candy. It's also the best time to get a good picture of the kids in their costumes as they aren't bulk dressing for the cold weather and busting the door down in anticipation of running the streets mad in a feeding frenzy for candy and all things trick-or-treating.
I present to you the toughest forward this side of the Mississippi.
... and the most beautiful and talented traveling Gypsy.
The obligatory photos in front of the front door, once again a success!
Monster Mash did not disappoint!
A hundred semi-supervised elementary kids running a muck in the school gym while gorging on candy and playing carnival games. Parents standing in central locations, commiserating and counting down the minutes until it's all over.
These boys! Coolest cats around!
Halloween arrived with just as much anticipated excitement as all of the other previous Halloweens for Mr Blue Eyes. He was especially excited knowing that we were giving one of his best buddies a ride to school that morning.
My Brown Eyed Girl was less like herself.
I must have asked her four times to get dressed for school. When she finally did come out of her room, I was irritated. She wasn't wearing the clothes we had selected a few days prior. The ones that would be best under her costume. Confused, I asked her several times why she didn't have her red tank top on under her sweatshirt. The red tank top that made her gypsy costume a more acceptable 10 year old version of itself. She just shrugged and wouldn't answer me.
As I was packing lunches and becoming more frustrated, I started in on my soap box of why she has to wear a tank top under her costume at school. As I looked over my shoulder to see if she was listening, I caught the anguish in her eyes. I turned and asked her what was the matter???
With gigantic crocodile tears and her face in her hands, my beautiful Brown Eyed Girl sobbed. She sobbed and became nearly impossible to understand. I was so confused. What was wrong with her? Was she feeling sick? I asked her what was the matter...
With hesitation, she told me she needed a new costume to wear at school. More tears escaped and her hands covered her face once again, in shame.
What do you mean you need a new costume?
And with that question, my beautiful little girl's soul crumbled as she confessed that a couple of mean boys at school had made fun of her costume the night of the Monster Mash. Then on Monday morning one of the boys had continued to taunt her about being "a pretty, pretty princess" for Halloween and wondered if she was going to wear her "pretty, pretty princess dress" on Thursday. She begged me for a new costume, because she just could not wear a dress to school.
I am not sure which emotion screamed the loudest inside my head at that moment.
Rage.
Extreme sadness.
Sorrow.
Empathy.
Disgust.
I took my little girl in my arms and hugged her even tighter. I told her that kids and people can be so cruel. I reminded her how much she loved that costume the night we opened the box together. I reminded her how she felt the first time she tried it on and how she looked the night of the Monster Mash. She was beautiful. I dug deep and came up with excuses for why someone would be so mean and tease her. Excuses that I knew were crap. But anything to pull her back to me. Anything to help her remember how wonderful she felt a few days ago.
She smiled faintly, wiped her tears from her cheeks and we agreed that we can't let others turn out our lights or take away our smiles.
I helped her changes her shirt and we pinned her hair up the way she had wanted to wear it that day.
She packed her costume in her back pack and seemed to have pushed the dread away.
Mr Blue Eyes' party started at 1:00. I helped his teacher organize the snacks and lead a few riveting rounds of Halloween Bingo. Exciting chatter filled the room as super heroes, villeins, various animals and a hockey player snacked on treats and juice boxes.
My Brown Eyed Girl's party started at 1:30. A few minutes before, I excused myself from Mr Blue Eyes' party (assuring him I would return) and walked down the hall to 5th grade. I walked into the room as my Brown Eyed Girl's class was returning from lunch.
A handful of her classmates slipped off to the bathrooms to change into their costumes. I stood in the back of the room and watched my Brown Eyed Girl sit in her chair, steadfast. She was making no effort to get her costume and change. I asked her, "Are you going to change?" She just shrugged. Maybe they were being released by table groupings?
I said hello to her teacher, another mother... and with effort I met her eyes again, "Are you going to change into your costume?" Again, she only shrugged her shoulders. A slight smile on her face as she broke eye contact with me again.
The teacher started a movie and the kids moved around the room for a better spot to watch from. I asked her a third and final time, "Are you going to change?"
One last time she shrugged her shoulders and whispered, "Maybe later..."
But I knew there would not be a later.
There it was.
The end of an era. The end of her innocence. The end of carefree childhood imagination and fantasies. I wanted to cry. I wanted to walk up to those boys and yell at them for being cruel. For crushing her spirit.
I knew that would only make things worse so I excused myself and told her I was going to pop back over to Mr Blue Eyes's party. A party filled with games, sugar coated laughter and fun.
Mr Blue Eyes was all smiles. His happiness placed the smile on my face. Inside, my heart was crying. Sorrow for my Brown Eyed Girl.
Mr Blue Eyes' party ended and I walked back down the hall to 5th Grade. I really wanted to just leave but I had promised her I would return.
I stood at the back of the room and my Brown Eyed Girl noticed my presence. She left her desk and slipped to the back of the room in silence and stood next to me reaching for my hand. She whispered, "Will you help me pin my vale on?"
I stared searchingly into her eyes and slowly found myself shaking my head... no.
I looked deep into her eyes and whispered back to her, "If you aren't going to wear your costume for yourself, you don't have to put part of it on for me. I am happy to be here with you at your party, no matter what you are wearing. Let's just finish the movie - together."
She shook her head and seemed sad. So I added, "Honey, we still have tonight. You can wear your costume at our friends' house and for trick-or-treating. We will have fun later tonight and celebrate Halloween, ok?"
She smiled brighter and I wrapped my arms around her and we stood there finishing the movie, slightly swaying now and then, giving each other silent strength to accept the changes that come with growing up.
We swept the majority of the day under the rug and enjoyed our traditional Halloween evening with friends. Diner, laughter, too much candy and costumes welcome!
It took me a few weeks to finish this post...
I can't help but fear that this is my last Halloween obligatory photo in front of the front door with both Mr Blue Eyes and my Brown Eyed Girl.
“Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter,
and those who matter don't mind.”
~Bernard Barunch
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
~Oscar Wilde
“Always be a first rate version of yourself
and not a second rate version of someone else.”
~Judy Garland
“To shine your brightest light is to be who you truly are.”
~Roy Bennett
“Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love.”
~Rumi
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