It's A Windy View: For Sale

I have one mangy mutt for sale.

Don't let that handsome face from his youth fool you.

No, this yellow hair scoundrel is on his way out the door. If he were a cat, he'd be on his eighth life. I want to string him up by his hind legs and leave him for the bears. (if we had bears in our neighborhood... they could have him.)

This yellow mangy mutt is 12. TWELVE! He has been around the block and knows what is up by now. There are no surprises anymore. He knows the rules.

And yet in the last two years he has completely lost his mind! He is make me completely lose MY mind!

We used to live on 40 acres. Surrounded by hundreds of acres.

He never ran off.

In fact, even when the neighbor dog was in heat he never ran off. She would come knocking on his door. But he never ran off.

Yet in the last two years if he is left outside unsupervised he will run off. He is gone for about 3-4 hours and always comes home in the same form - wet, muddy and barely able to walk any longer. He is 12 after all - that's like a 70 year old man. Taking off, catting around town and retuning home from lord knows where.

For the first 10 years of his life I think it is safe to say he was the perfect boy. He has been perfect with our kids during all of their annoying life stages.

He has never chewed on anything.

Never peed in the house.

Never dug holes in our yard.

Great with the horses, even our chickens.

Never got into anything.

But in the last two years this moron has been running off and his latest offense has been.....

GETTING IN THE TRASH!!

We have had the same darn trash can his whole life! Never had a lid. Never had to worry about him even looking twice at the thing. There could be an entire chicken carcass sitting on top and the punk would never touch it.

But lately I have been catching him doing little drive by sniff and licks.
The periodic dumpster dive. (entire head buried in the can)
Yesterday, I came home to the whole thing completely dumped over - luckily it was basically empty.

But this? Seriously?!?!? Of all the crap to spew out onto the kitchen floor - COFFEE GROUNDS!!!

That is it!

I have tolerated your snoring, rabbit chasing, foul rear-end sleeping in my room for the past 12 years. I have tolerated the fact that every thing black I own will forever be covered in yellow dog hairs for as long as you live and crawl up on my couch. I have accepted the fact that as long as you are here and until I repaint the house I will forever find blood splatters all over my walls and cabinets. And I tolerate this because I know you love us. You just can't help yourself and you show your love by getting so excited to see us when we walk in the door that sometimes your tail whacks the chair and your tail bleeds everywhere and you embrace us by rubbing your shedding body all over my work pants.